the art of losing friends

You may have clicked this blog post with the idea that I would give a step-by-step guide on how to get over losing friendship, but you would be wrong. Sorry.

Being a girl in your 20s while trying to maintain friendships is hard. It is time consuming, takes lots of energy, and is mentally draining. With that being said, it is still extremely hard to lose friends in this time of life. Everything is already so confusing, and friendship is what makes up most of our being at this time period, so when you have to take a step back from a friend it hurts. 

I currently lost a group of friends that I really cared about and envisioned them being in my life long term. Change is hard in all aspects, but It is better to let go of what is holding you back. You can't keep someone in your life when they don't bring positivity to you. 

Something that has helped me a lot during this is leaning on my friends that do have my best interest at heart. I know this may seem confusing, losing a friend and just relying on another friend. What if this one leaves me too? Well, that's the thing you never know, but you do know what you deserve. My best friend is the best person I have ever met and I love her dearly. She is always so supportive of me, and when she noticed I wasn't being treated well in my other friendships she was there to help me. She never lets me blame myself for things that I can't control. 

That is a major part of this, you cannot blame yourself for things you cannot control. I fully believe everything happens for a reason, and eventually with time you will see that for yourself. 

I feel like so much of our generation is on social media, and most people try to say that in a negative connotation, but it has been beneficial for me a lot lately. I know in most friendship "breakups" pettiness can be brought to social media and drama starts. However for me, and I recommend for you as well, use social media as a positive. For example, lately I have found some amazing quotes that have brought realization into my life, along with beautiful songs that are heavily relatable and help me through rough patches. 

I want to share a quote that I saw on tiktok the other day. (I do not know who created this quote) 

"Stay away from the people who won't defend you in a room you are not in."

wow. 

This also applies to losing friendships, think to yourself, would this person who is no longer in my life stand up for me when I am not there, or would they have stayed silent. If it's the latter, did you really even lose a friend? 

Now, I am not trying to completely slander someone from not being a good friend to you. Friendship is hard. It is hard to give and keep up with and your friends or past friends deserve that same grace and understanding. However, you can give them that grace while still respecting yourself. Another quote that I recently read was from a book called "Not in Love" by Ali Hazelwood. 

"I believe it. You just care about yourself more, and that's your right. I'd rather not surround myself with someone who'll hurt me just to get ahead, and that's mine." 

Like are you kidding?! I had to stop and reread that multiple times. 

Being in your 20s is a time when you are extremely selfish and honestly you have to be. You have to stand up for yourself and go after what you want, but never at the expense of someone else, especially someone you call a friend.  

While there is no guide on how to get over losing a friendship, there are ways to help. Time is always the key in situations like these. My best friend is my number one supporter and I genuinely never feel left out with her. Music has been a huge part of my life no matter what I am doing, and a lot of my favorite artists have dropped new albums. Reading is a form of escapism for me and it not only help distract me, but also makes me feel validated about certain feelings I am having. 

Trust me this will not be life or death. You will go on and you will survive. Focus on yourself right now. Better yourself and you will find your people. They are waiting for you to meet them. You will create a beautiful life for yourself!! 

p.s. If you have no one to talk to I am always available!

p.p.s. you deserve happiness and friendship!

                                                                                            Drew Bryant